Honestly, I like to think that I was pretty self-aware
before starting the MSLD program. However, we all know that there is always
room for growth, positive change, and improvement. Thus, I will say I have
changed in that I am more comfortable with exposing myself in an academic
environment. As a person who has a habit (most times it's a good thing) of
rule-keeping, in the past, I would have given a textbook answer to reflective
assignments like this one. I have no problem reflecting on my own but when
asked to share these reflections with an instructor in whom I am not intimately
acquainted? Um, no. "No!" is the resistance I felt about the reflective
details that these blog assignments require.
I started this program at an important time in my personal
life. Personally, I had been working on issues I have with codependency in a
real recovery program that requires self-disclosure, self-awareness, honesty, transparency,
you name it...all of the uncomfortable, exposing things. As I have been working
on my recovery and growing as a student in this program, I can clearly see how
I have changed. As noted by Whetten and Cameron (2016), I have come to believe
that what I value, how I feel about myself, how I interact with others, what I
want to accomplish, and what I am attracted to, are all strongly influenced by
my emotional intelligence, values, cognitive style, orientation toward change,
and core self-evaluation (p.48). Now, I wouldn't have been able to summarize
those thoughts without learning the details of these terms through the MSLD
program and within my recovery program.
Since my
self-awareness is heighten, I have a better understanding of who I am, what I
value, how I interpret information, and how I am seen by others. My growth in self-awareness is not only based
on what I am learning about myself, emotionally, but also cognitively.
Cognitively, I am learning about the way I gather information and the way I evaluate
and act on the information I receive (Whetten and Cameron, 2016, p.59). I have
learned that I am a bit of a researcher; I didn’t realize how much I thrive in
research-heavy situations. For example, although my job title is not “researcher”, as a campus manager, I feel like I am researching a student’s case, an academic
standard, an ERAU policy, everyday! Most of the situations that I have to
research are triggered by problems, problems that require immediate
answers. I don’t remember when I noticed this about myself but the euphoria experienced when I find my answers or solve a case, is pretty
intense. I love the feeling of solving impossible problems. I believe that I
learned this about myself through my experience in the MSLD program and through
my own self-reflection.
Overall, my level of self-awareness has increased since
making personal changes and being in the MSLD program. I am willing to take a deeper look inside and self-disclose what I am learning.
I have been introspective since I was a child; my mother called me the deeper
thinker of the bunch (siblings). Journaling
about my feelings has never been an issue for me; as a result, taking time to dig deeper
inside definitely put me on the pathway to self-awareness. However, writing about
values and deeply personal thoughts is only one step in the pursuit of
self-awareness. Whetten and Cameron (2016) note that it is almost impossible to
increase self-awareness unless we interact with and disclose ourselves to
others; unless we are willing to open up to others, to discuss aspects of
ourselves that seem ambiguous or unknown, little growth can ever occur (p.46). I have to say that self-disclosure is one of
the biggest changes I see in myself and that others see in me. Instead of keeping my feelings and thoughts
tucked away, I communicate them. Instead of assuming that I am understood, I
see to understand others and ask others if clarification is needed from me when I am communicating. Coupled with my own life experiences, the MSLD
program consistently provides exercises for continued growth in self-awareness.
Whetton, D. A. & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills, 9th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson.
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